January 6, 2019 -- Possibility: Focus on Welcoming a Friend with Tourette syndrome

January 6, 2019

Theme: We introduced January's worship theme of Possibility and learned the ASL sign (same as the sign for 'chance', 'opportunity', etc.) We mentioned that a new year always seems full of Possibilities of new, exciting things to come.    

Group Game: We had fun playing a few rounds of Cosiki which puts team work into the idea of Follow the Leader.  It's also a great way to practice NOT staring at someone.  They all wanted to play more rounds, so maybe have them teach it to you and play at your next big family gathering!  

Discussion:  In Cosiki you're supposed to always do just what the rest of the group is doing.  Lots of times in our world we're supposed to do what everyone else is doing, right?  (Ex. gym class practice certain moves, church or class, sit and listen.  It isn't always GOOD to do what others around you are doing (examples: if everyone were throwing candy wrappers on the ground you wouldn't want to do the same).  Some kids want to do what is expected, but they can't.  Sometimes it is just really hard for kids to be totally quiet or still, but there are some people--kids and grown-ups who really actually CANNOT be quiet or still because they have something called Tourette Syndrome (TS) or body or vocal tics and can't control certain impulses.  

Above: brainstorm by the 9am group.

Below: children paired up to see if they could resist the tickle of a feather.

At 9am we heard from Meredith Warner, a member of our congregation, who has helped someone in her life navigate body tics.  At the 11am service, a youth from U32, Willa, who is an official Tourette Ambassador shared her experience.  Both guests were extremely helpful.  Later this week I will share a short video of Willa's presentation with all families via email, so that families who weren't there might share with their kids (thank you Kenric Kite).   

• What does TS look or sound like? First of all, tics are not ticks.  Not wood ticks or deer tics.  Ex. of body and vocal tics: shrugging, blinking, grimacing, or making loud sounds, spitting, even words that your not supposed to say.  The person is not trying to make the sound/movement, but they can't stop it.

• What causes tics?  Doctors don't know for sure, but probably something in the brain or the nervous systems is not quite working right. It is like an allergy, just for that person and NOT contagious.    
• A child in our congregation, Tristan Donlan-Kite, has started to have tics over the past couple of months and is really scared to come to church because of them.  He doesn't want to upset people or be laughed at or get in trouble.  He isn't sure he'd be welcome.  His mom, sister, and two friends from school were there at 11am to help us understand his needs better.  
• As UUs, we have 7 principles we try to live by and the first 3 relate to this: 

1. The inherent worth and dignity of every person; (or "We welcome everyone.")

2. Justice, equity and compassion in human relations; (or "Bend kind in all you do.")

3. Acceptance of one another and encouragement to spiritual growth in our congregations; (Or "We are free to learn and grow together.")

•  Is it Possible (monthly theme) to make kids with tics feel welcome?  Tristan would like to come back to the Children's Chapel, maybe even next Sunday, because Mrs. Koch is going to show her awesome slides from her adventures in the Arctic!  
• Do you think we can make him feel welcome even if he's having some tics?  (We thought we could, especially if we try hard and all work together.). 
• Brainstorm of ways to help included in pictures below:  

Activity: We had kids try to go awhile without blinking.  This gives the sensation of your body basically ordering you to do something, even though in your mind you're trying not to.  Finally, you can't help but blink.  At the 9am kids paired up with feathers and tried to resist itching their arm or face when someone gently touched it with a feather.  (Below: Abby Colihan, right, and Margaret Blanchard,left, were our 9am volunteers today.)

Then we brainstormed:

How to respond to in helpful ways when someone you're with is having tics:

1. Ignore it.  Pretend it isn't happening. Stay focused on what you're already doing.

2. Don't say stop it because they can't help it.

3. It's okay to give a little space for his body to move.

4.  Teach others who don't know.  Quietly say, "They can't help making those sounds or movements.  Try to ignore it.  He's not trying to be mean.  He really doesn't want to be doing those tings."

5. Get to know the person!  

What NOT to do: 

1. Don't laugh.

2. Don't stare.

3. Don't mutter about them.

4. Don't point.

5. Don't make fun of them or mimic them.

6. Don't take it personally if he says your name and a bad word or makes a face.  

7. Start using those bad words if that is the tic.

• We role played some things that we do in the Children's Chapel while Meredith modeled a loud vocal tic.  The children did well not staring and staying calm and focused on the group activity.  They are all ready to be teachers for other kids next week--kids who weren't here this week--to welcome Tristan back to church if there at the same service together.  

What might the tics look like?  One hard part about Tourette syndrome is the tics are always changing.  Right now his tics are an urge to spit, so he may be using a cup or handkerchief to spit into.  Also, swearing  - often combined with a person's name— someone who is sitting near him or someone who has just walked in the room.  He's been repeating what others say and sometimes scribbles on other’s drawings.  Sometimes hitting himself in the face. 

 

Want to continue the conversation?  

• What is a vocal tic or body tic?
• Is it a bug?
• What are examples of what a tic looks or sounds like?
• Can't the person just stop doing it?
• What can the rest of us do to help someone who is struggling with tics? 
• What is the sign-language for Possibility?  Do you think it is Possible to make Tristan feel welcome at church again?  What will you do to help?
• What are other things somewhat similar?  (People who stutter, or people with Parkinson's are two examples.) 

  

Next Sunday: Lessons from the Arctic--What's Possible When We Venture to Other Places?  Susan Koch, 1st grade teacher at Union Elementary, will share her slideshow of her adventure to the far north, to the Arctic!  It will be a great chance to practice focusing on the activity at hand, and not on the person having body/vocal tics.  Hope you can make it!  

Upcoming Events: 

Family Night for any UCM Families (long-time or brand new): Feasting, Fun, and Brainstorming

Fri. Jan. 18, 5:45-7:30pm. A chance to meet other parents and learn how we might be better able to support one another in this amazing and challenging work of parenting, and raising compassionate, conscious children in touch with their own spirituality.